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Tuesday, September 10th, 2002
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12:54 pm - Hallo!
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Hallo. How are we doing today. I'm so tired right now and its only 3:56 pm. my eyes are like starting to close. i need sleep tonight or im like going to tomorrow in math. I was so overwhelmed today with school work i don't think im doing my homework until after dinner. i need to relax. So anyway, i really don't know where the hell my mind is, im like in my own little world...yes, carrie...my world is called "Jenni's World". How original is that. Lol. wellzer. Bye bye. x Jenni x
current mood:  stressed
current music: No tunes today kids, i'm watching a movie.
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(once red)
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| Saturday, September 7th, 2002
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6:53 pm - Update!
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IM GOING TO WRITE IN CAP LOX JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT. SORRY I HAVN'T WRITEN IN HERE FOR AWHILE. I REALLY DIDN'T NEED THE WORLD TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON WITH ME AND MY LIFE. BUT I WILL TELL YOU I BROKE UP WITH BRIAN. MY REASONS ARE THE WHOLE LONG DISTANCE SHIT. IT WAS TEARING ME UP COMPLETELY. BUT IM GOOD NOW. SCHOOL SUX TOTAL ASS. BUT WHAT THE HELL ARE YA GONNA DO ABOUT IT. ALRITE IM GONNA LEAVE.
JENNI
current mood:  dorky
current music: Something Corporate - Globes and Maps
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(once red)
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| Saturday, August 17th, 2002
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10:35 am - quizzes
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| Thursday, August 15th, 2002
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12:25 pm - It's me again.
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I'm tired as hell. I need pain pills. I'm freaking falling apart. Yeah well I told my mom that I was in pain and she told to stop complaining. That was the first time I ever told her I was in pain. I mean I've been feeling it for a week and a half now. I figured she'd say that. Oh well I took some ibprofin, how ever the hell you spell it. Who really gives a shit. Today I had an orthodontist appointment. Grrrr. Not fun. Then I had to go to the hospital because my Mom found out her aunt is dying of cancer in her brain. Her brain is swelling...God bless her. Well we went and saw her. Basically I told my mom she had to face the facts of death and hold her breathe when she saw her laying in the bed half concious. But, everyone has to die sooner or later, right? Now I'm listening to music trying to not move, and writing this. I'm also talking to Brian. Tomorrow we're supposed to go out but in the condition I am in right now I really think my bed sounds good. Yep well we will wait it out and see the shit but seriously I already know the answer. I can't move my freaking body. Well I'm done bitchin'.
current mood:  cranky
current music: Idiot Boyfriend-Jimmy Fallon
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(for ever tear I shed 1 rose fade | once red)
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8:06 am - Imma R-tard.
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If there was an award being given out for R-tard of the year... i'd be nominated. Last night i got to see brian. But retarded ass me didn't really pay attenetion to him. I'm in so much pain right now. I can barley move. I'm crying so hard, just letting all my anger and pain out. I wish crying helped. Its really just a life stuffer. Last night i felt like shit. I don't know why. I'm sick of seeing my friends depressed. I'm sick of seeing them hurt themselves. I'm sick of seeing the ones i love most die infront of my eyes. As they hurt themselves, they hurt me along with them. I love all my friends with everything i have. I wish they could see really how much i love them, and how much they have in their lives. Yes, I fucking know shit happens. But you know what i also know that you have to move on. You have to move on...
current mood:  crushed
current music: Letters To You-Finch
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(once red)
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| Tuesday, August 13th, 2002
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5:51 pm - Life sux.
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| Monday, August 12th, 2002
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1:00 pm - Vroooom...
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| Sunday, August 11th, 2002
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8:27 pm - Ha ha
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oooo lala im back again from the shore. shit happened but i'll tell ya later. i'm talking to brian....
<3
current mood:  indescribable
current music: Cheese Burger In Paradise-Jimmy Buffet
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(once red)
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| Tuesday, August 6th, 2002
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6:01 pm - ooo lala!
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12:05 pm - Fun!
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8:42 am - Moo...
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hey! How's it going? i retook this test today. lmao it increased. *snorts*
I am 68% Geek
Nerd, Freak, Geek, Dweeb. Sound familiar? That's okay, cause I will be the richest person at my 15th year high school reunion. If a "con" isn't happening that weekend.
Take the Geek Test at fuali.com
current mood: dorky
current music: Sell Out-Real Big Fish
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(once red)
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| Monday, August 5th, 2002
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6:46 pm - Poem!
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As every petal spirals down to the lush green grass, her heart pounds with rejuvenation.
Her smile broadens as her emerald eyes follow the path of the angelic sparkle of the petal.
The mind of the girl is condemned of every thought that had troubled her in the past.
She gradually gazes out at the sunrise before her, and day-dreams of the future that is placed in her fate.
The sun fully ahead of her now, she stands up from the rock she was sitting on and walks the path to home.
Her smile is full, and her eyes are pure with happiness, as she stands up tall and lives her life the way she wants.
Her heart is content with the love and grace of her lord, Jesus Christ, always at her side.
Safely, loved, and guided, they walk together in her angelic path that spirals to her fate.
current mood:  cheerful
current music: My World- Avril Lavinge
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(once red)
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| Saturday, August 3rd, 2002
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11:33 am - Can I die now or later.
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| Saturday, July 27th, 2002
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8:54 am - Just great...
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Hey! Today i feel fat and ugly. I though i was beyond this. but it came back. I hate this. why can't i just think that im normal. im not, im fat. Im sorry if you don't believe this. you probably wanna know why im bitchin' about it. Its becuz i can't stand it anymore. Im sorry if you think that im not depressed enough to have a deadjournal. If you think that then, you don't know me. Infact no one knows the real person inside of me. I asked Brian what he thought my worst habit was. he said being hard on myself and he's completely right. im so hard on myself. i try not to be one of the f-ing preppy girls and they are thin as a rail and they think that their fat. i don't do this for attention at all. never in this world. i can get peoples attention other ways. I guess i do it becuz i have insecurities. I'm starting slowly not to eat anymore. Please god, stop me! I need to eat.
x Jenni x
current mood:  shocked
current music: God Must Hate Me- Simple Plan
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(for ever tear I shed 1 rose fade | once red)
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| Friday, July 26th, 2002
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1:04 pm - Story i wrote.
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There once was a girl named Lynn. Lynn was the most happiest girl in the world. Her days were filled with smiles and her nights were filled with laughter. One day Lynn decided that she was going to go for a walk. she was walking with her head up looking the beautiful clouds. the birds were chirping and the air was fresh. she started to sing with the birds. the world was perfect. all of a sudden Lynn tripped over a rock and fell. she broke out crying. she couldn't keep it in anymore. she rolled over in the freshly cut grass and cried and cried and cried. Lynn went home that day without smiling. She went to bed that night without laughing. She just laid there all night, eyes wide open and red. She stared at the ceiling fan in her brightly colored room. she sat up from her bed and got up. she walked over to he dresser and opened up the drawer. she went to the back of the drawer and found what she was looking for. she took a diary out from the mess in her drawer. she sat next her window and wrote in the moonlight. it was a full moon and the night was beautiful out. She started out her entry:
Dear Diary,
I know that I have not written in here for a while. Today as I was in my life of pleasantness I hit reality. everyone in this world thinks that I am happy. I wish diary they knew what I really felt inside. all I feel is anger, unhappiness, aggravation. Things in this world don't always go right. Innocent people get smashed down. the victims are the ones who get hurt. I know that there is a God out in this world. I thank and praise the mighty lord for creating me. but im not happy. I cannot go on in this world of unhoplessness. I will give it one more day.
forever yours,
Lynn
Lynn put the diary on her dresser and climbed back into her bed. eventually four hours later she fell asleep. Lynn decided to do the same walk she took the previous day. she started to walk when she was walking she tripped on the same rock. This time when she fell it knocked her unconscious. Lynn went into fast dreaming as she laid in midst of the field. she was in the same field but only 7 years ago. She was just six years old. she wasn't alone this time, she was with her passed grandfather the were playing catch. Then decided to go for a walk. hand in hand they walked through the field and laughed and laughed. Lynn got tired and pulled her grandfather down on the ground. Lynn sat next to him and he told one of his youth stories. within ten minutes Lynn was sleeping in his arms. when Lynn woke up she was in her grandfather's house. she was sleeping on the couch. her grandfather was watching t.v. she ran upto him and sat on his lap. he turned off the television Lynn looked over at the table next to her grandfathers chair. she asked her grandfather who that man was. He sighed but a few minutes later he slowly explained to Lynn that that man was her father. Lynn was very confused. her grandfather explained that he commit suicide after she was born. Lynn was so confused. her grandfather then said to her, "Lynn no matter what happens to you in your life, I will always be here for you. Even if im not here physically." He stopped and pointed at her heart. He continued and said," I'll be right there forever." All of a sudden Lynn came concious. she looked up at the sky and said,"i love you too grandpa."
current mood:  ditzy
current music: Flesh into gear-Cky
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(once red)
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| Tuesday, July 23rd, 2002
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9:01 am - Brian.
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Hey. Brian's working today :( It sux. this morning the phone wouldn't stop ringing. it was really annoying. but all the calls were important. so.... whatever. I put the subject as Brian. becuz all i can do is think about him right now. i haven't seen him in almost three weeks. God i miss him and love him soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomuch. he's my everything. My world, my strength, my heart. everything. I just have this fear that im going to go and screw it up. i pray that i don't. I also have this really odd feeling that he doesn't love me as much anymore. But im sure that thats not true. i love him entirely too much to lose him right now. but anyway... today mommy is going to take me out to luck on her lunch break with the girls that she works with. fun fun. ok, well i best be going.
x Jenni x
current mood:  worried
current music: I wish you were here-Incubus
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(for ever tear I shed 2 roses fade | once red)
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| Monday, July 22nd, 2002
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5:55 pm - Woo!
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Today i didn't wake up til like 1 in the afternoon. last night i had a fever and shit and i couldn't fall asleep til 5. the whole day went by so fast. mom came home from work and we had lunch. then she left and i listened to music and did cartwheels and danced. i was online the whole day. i downloaded some music and then peter called. so i talked to peter on the phone for awhile. i stole my brother superman tie outta his closet. i tried tying it, but basically i was just choking myself. lmao. mom came home from work and then we had dinner. after dinner i decided that i wanted to go swimming so we went swimming. then mommy decided to invite a lady she works with to comeswimming. so she came over. then uncle thom called and i talked to him a little bit. he's always fun to talk to. i love him so freaking much. we all call him cousin thom, he's a 39 year old with a 20 year old brain. it's great. now im sitting in front of the computer praying that brian get on, in my bathing suit and towel. thats why i feel dirty becuz i need to get that chlorine off me. ack. i talked to cousin bill today online. (he's really my cousin) everything with him is pretty cool. im chewing gum. yum yum. lmao the f-ing rhymes. My grammy and i are on the phone talking now. blah blah blah. lmao! well im going to go into the shower now. Brian if your reading this!!!!!! I love you so much! i haven't talked to you in ages. i miss you so f-ing much!!!!!! come online! nerrrrrrrrrrr.
Be careful what you wish for, it might just come true...
x Jenni x
current mood:  dirty
current music: Warning-Incubus
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(once red)
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| Sunday, July 21st, 2002
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4:50 pm - Really bad mood
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Not in the bestest best mood.
current mood:  blah
current music: Somewhere out there- our lady peace
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(once red)
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| Saturday, July 20th, 2002
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9:26 am - quizzes
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| Friday, July 19th, 2002
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5:08 pm - Raining.
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Hey. I got back from the shore today. i had so much fun. i bought a lot of shit. I feel really fat. in fact tonight i'm going to do a lot of sit ups and tom. not eat very much. I I missed brian a lot. In his deadjournal it says some stuff about me and how he can''t believe that i like him. I love him to death. He's his own person. he's unique. I love who he is in everyway. If anything would ever happen to him, i would cry and cry and cry. i really don't know what i would do without him. Its been atleast two weeks or more since i've seen him last. im going fucking crazy. but i guess i have to get used to not seeing him every week for next year. He just means so much to me. i've never loved someone this much before. I mean i've loved people before but not entirely this much. Right now i feel so lost and alone, and i could really use a hug. its raining, and thundering, and lightning..scary....*shivers*
Jenni
current mood: Fat
current music: No Regrets-GOB
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(once red)
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![[info]](http://www.deadjournal.com:8080/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
mischievous
bitchy
working
![[ you are spongebob ]](http://www.liquid2k.com/ethan_sucks/quiz7/urspongebob.jpg)
hyper
anxious
uncomfortable
crappy